Gremlin (krissy22247) wrote in schooldaze02,

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urge to update

hey meme, i got the urge to update. i figure i already updated my other one twice today and its not even three in the afternoon yet. i dont really have anything specific to tlak about i figured i'd come on and start rambling and see what came out. so this may turn out to be a really long post. sorry in advance. anyway, here goes

That weekend
you know the one i'm talking about.
the dance, the sleepover. the weekend that started it all.
me, you, jim, melissa, leslie. it was the one weekend that brought us all to where we are today. leslie probably wouldnt even be in our lives if not for that week. that was one hell of a weekend. to look back on it now it was a great weekend. we all had a good time. but who knew that that one weekend could change our whole lives. i kissed jim for the first time. we all got to know leslie, you danced with dan, my dad realized just what goofy teenage girls we could be, bbb was formed, my wallpaper is forever scarred by invisible highliter (sidenote: remind me to get a black light bulb before you come up, so we can see exactly what it was we wrote.) that was the weekend where you began your aversion to Kix. i dont think i'll ever forget it. you know a week later i was still scared to go near a black light in case the highliter hadnt come off yet. and that was the first time i went anywhere with jim. we went to the mall with my sister and her friend jess. and jim wanted to go into spencer's and i had to tell him no. he was kinda confused. i wonder if it still would have been there? we should do it again, just to see how long it really lasts. you know whats kinda funny. i dont really remember much about alex that weekend except that she was in the car on the ride home, and we nearly blinded her with our glowing. i know she spent the night and left the next day. but that friday night isnt the night i remember. it was after she left. the highliter, the park, walking around, bbb, kix, it seems so long ago, yet i still remember most of it. just a little fuzzy around the edges i suppose. you know i wonder if i changed my wallpaper if missy and leslie would finally break up. i mean i said that i loved jim on that wall, and we're still together. and i know you said you loved dan on those walls, but thats the exception to the rule, cuz ur both gay. lol (sorry) maybe its the writing on the walls thats keeping them together. well maybe we dont have to get rid of the wallpaper (i wouldnt want to jinx anything with jim and i) but maybe we could just cross out all the melissa leslie stuff. just cover it up. pretend it was never there. undo the last few years of there lives. that would be great wouldnt it? to have the old leslie back. and hell maybe even the old melissa. though i'm not sure i could ever forgive her.

that dance. what a dance it was. i think its one of the only dances i remember so vividly. the rest of them seem to blur together somehow. the pure and amazing wonder that one night can create. i remember so much of it. even now, over three and a half years later. three and a half years older, and its still just as important as it was when i was a giggly little 16 year old (less than a week from 17) god do you realize how long ago that was? it may not seem like much. but it was really lifetimes ago. jim was shy around me. imagine that, he was worried that I wouldnt like Him. he even gave alex hand signals behind my back while we danced, just to make sure she thought he was doing all right. he followed me around like a puppy that night. oh how things have changed. now hes more of a dog. lol. and he kissed me. he told me earlier in the night he would, i didnt really believe him. i figured someone who needed such reassurance from my friends wouldnt have enough guts to kiss me. we werent even going out. and alex was afraid he might try to swallow my face. lol. you know he hadnt even intended to hang out with me that night. he went to hang out with cassie kegly. but she ended up spending time with some of her friends that he didnt really like. so it was my good fortune that i happened to be there. where would i be right now, had i not. or had cassie paid attentoin to him. i guess we'll never know, and i dont think i want to. it would be kinda nice to go back and have that night again. just once. just to remember what it was all like as care free as we were then. though to us every little thing meant so much, but in comparison to life since really meant nothing at all. life has changed so much since then. i dont think i can even remember who i really was when i was just 16. back then the hardest thing i had ever had to do was break up with matt. and the most pain anyone had ever caused me was when chris broke up with me. at 16 i thought i was never going to be happy again. i was so naive. its amazing to look back upon it now. and remember it all.

well not all, everyday a little more of that world slips away from me. which is why i'm kinda glad i got this entry in now. its probably one of the more important ones. one that i think i'll want to remember later on. remember where everything started. and who we all used to be. i suppose this post came out a bit melodramatic. but oh well. we were melodramatic back then. i had intended to write about more. and in fact i have a whole list. but i think that may be enough for now. anymore and i think my mind may just explode. but maybe i'll update again soon. try to get a few in before i go home for winter break. i'm feeling very reminiscent and would like to get that feeling down in words before it all slips away.

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